Thursday, November 16, 2017

Gimme one mo' kiss, mamma, just before I go, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


“People” names Blake Shelton Sexiest Man Alive. Again last night, Ryan Gosling cried himself to sleep on his bed of super models. 



Sen. Al Franken has been accused of molesting a woman in her sleep in 2006. Al, why would you do that? You’re good enough, you’re smart enough and, darn it, people like you.





“People” names Blake Shelton Sexiest Man Alive. Sorry. But unless Blake Shelton rips off his rubber mask to reveal he is Blake Lively, he is not sexier than the exterminator who comes to tent your place.





A 2,000-year-old book claims Jesus was married. This explains how he turned water into wine. “Jesus, honey, you remembered to get the wine for mother’s party, right?” “Um, yeah, uh, just give me a second to go get it.” 




“People” names Blake Shelton Sexiest Man Alive. Chris Pine has never been “People” Sexiest Man Alive. Apparently “People” let the executives at Chipotle pick the Sexiest Man this year.


“People” named Blake Shelton Sexiest Man Alive. Tough title to uphold. “Hey, sexiest man alive, you spilled pumpkin latte in your Justin Bieber t-shirt.” 




“The Washington Post” fact-checker claims Donald Trump has lied an average of 5.5 times a day since being in office. Or as Trump calls lies: Fake Truths. 




Sylvester Stallone accused of sexually assaulting a 16-year-old girl. You know a celebrity is having rough publicity when Charlie Manson is getting better press.


“People” named Blake Shelton Sexiest Man Alive. Tough title to uphold. “Hey, sexiest man alive, sorry, but your coupon for Preparation H has expired.” 




“People” named Blake Shelton Sexiest Man Alive. “That is a great honor, Mr. Shelton, but it does not entitle you to free nachos here at Hooters.” Said Blake’s waitress. 


Sylvester Stallone denies he had sex with a 16-year-old girl. Sly said, “It never happened.”Or, “It noble harp bend,” we couldn’t tell.




Donald Trump tweeted that the Al Franken sex harassment pictures are bad. Of course Trump thinks they’re bad, Al doesn’t come close to grabbing her pussy.