Tuesday, October 17, 2017



The BAd Falkeeewn done let my ass down, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers




Apple was hit with a $440 mil. judgment in a patent lawsuit. Apple paid the fine out of their office swear jar. 

A calf from a slaughterhouse escaped into Brooklyn. The calf was easy to detect because it was wearing leather.


A calf from a slaughterhouse escaped into Brooklyn. The calf was ostracized in Hipster Brooklyn for wearing leather.


The calf was hard to find because it had a goatee and a nose ring and it was wearing a wool hat. 



Apple was hit with a $440 mil. judgment in a patent lawsuit. Apple said the fine was excessive and could result in two or three trips to the ATM.



Harvey Weinstein vowed he will continue to make movies with or without the Weinstein Co. Although it will be challenging for Weinstein to make movie without another thing. What are they called? Oh, right. Actresses.



Apple was hit with a $440 mil. judgment in a patent lawsuit. Apple begged the court for an extension to pay the fine due to the time it would take to dig that much money out of the cushions of their break-room couch.



The victims in the Harvey Weinstein harassment scandal keep coming. Hard to imagine a guy would have trouble with women who has a face like Tom Arnold’s scrotum.



Apple was hit with a $440 mil. judgment in a patent lawsuit. Apple said they needed time to raise the money… 3…2…1…, OK, that’s enough time. 



Harvey Weinstein vowed to continue to make movies. Although it will be tough considering the thousands of actors who have vowed never to work for such a vile predator.  Unless he pays them.


Monday, October 16, 2017

It is shameless how a bar in Hollywood advertised for a ladies night wine special: “It is better to have a wine stain on your dress than a Weinstein in your dress.”  

The Weinstein Company will have to change their name. Here is my suggestion:

Dewey, Dewem and Howe. 


Sunday, October 15, 2017


Commenting on the Harvey Weinstein scandal, Woody Allen said, 

"You don’t want it to lead to a witch hunt. Unless the witch has a hot daughter you want to nail."




Commenting on the Harvey Weinstein scandal, Woody Allen said it was sad. Interesting, but I am going to wait and hear what 13-year-old girl sodomizer, Roman Polanski thinks.



How bad was the call against the New York Jets? The only thing worse that can happen to a jet is getting bought by Spirit Airlines.




The Chargers beat the Raiders, 17-16 in the "Red-Headed Step-Child" Bowl. As the score indicates, both teams tried to lose, but, sadly, there has to be a winner.





Since you asked:

For so many years, the funniest part of any Woody Allen movie has been the ludicrous over-qualifications of his romantic interest. 

Woody Allen weighed in on the Harvey Weinstein scandal calling it sad, which is like OJ Simpson weighing in on Ezekiel Elliott’s domestic abuse suspension. 

Woody once said Hollywood was worse than dog-eat-dog. It was dog doesn’t return other dog’s phone call. 


Now it is ugly, skinny little old dog licks the balls of a big, ugly male dog humping a little, pretty female dog that doesn’t want to be humped. 

To play woodwind instruments, you have to blow into them. How does Woody play the clarinet when he sucks so much?







So glad good is going to come out of this Harvey Weinstein fiasco. The evil Weinstein is graveyard dead if not possibly prison-bound, but probably not due to his Cosby-like money. (Money wins over crime again) The victims will hopefully get justice and harassment in Hollywood will have to lessen. 

Another side benefit is seeing that world-class tool, Ben Affleck, get PR thumped. The same douche-bag who angrily defended ISIS on Bill Maher’s "Real Time" HBO show. 

It is a poorly kept secret in Hollywood what a prick Ben Affleck is. Just look what he did to the wonderful Jennifer Garner. Rude to waiters, valets, movie crews and he tortures personal assistants. The usual Val Kilmer “I am making up for a small penis” crap.

Only a world-class ass-gasket, like Affleck, would accept and flaunt an Oscar for a screenplay, "Good Will Hunting," of which he did not write one word. Nary a word. Nary. (Love that word) 

Arguably the greatest screenwriter, William Goldman, in his tell-all “Which Lie Did I Tell?” said so. (That is until the studio lawyers jumped on top of Goldman's neck) Goldman said Damon and Affleck’s version "GWH" was nothing but car chases and explosions. 

Poorly written car chases and explosions. 

The studio fell in love with the story of two young stars writing a screenplay and paid Goldman out the wazoo to rewrite it and keep it a secret. (Make no mistake, Goldman is more than a bit of a crank, god bless his contrary Highland Park, Illinois ass) 

But Goldman made a good point: if they, Damon and Affleck, were such brilliant authors, what have they written since? 


Ben Affleck has to be getting medical treatment for muscle pulls for the speed in which he went from kissing Harvey Weinstein’s fat ass to tossing him under the bus. 

Thanks to the Weinstein splatter, most of Hollywood, for that matter, has more of a stiff neck than they get from the usual bobbing up and down. 






A huge factor in galvanizing the right in our last nightmarish presidential election was voters hatred of hypersensitivity - like demanding Al Michaels apologize on-air for a pretty funny joke. Clearly Al did not mean disrespect to Weinstein’s victims, but that did not stop a tidal wave of bitter complaints on Twitter. 

As a former democrat - now more moderate, but not republican - I feel qualified in saying the left has to lighten-up. Having a sense of humor does not make you a sexist, racist or Nazi.






Here come the Ruskies again:


Seriously, why is my blog so popular in Russia, and how have I figured out not to make a single dime off of that fact? 

Do I still have that wonderful follower in Brazil who loves my music stories but hates sports? She sent the nicest email. 

Four from France? I am honored. 

Pageviews by Countries

Graph of most popular countries among blog viewers
EntryPageviews
Russia
440
United States
428
China
86
Canada
57
Kenya
27
Ukraine
13
Spain
7
Barbados
6
Brazil
5
France
4






Saturday, October 14, 2017

Harvey Weinstein has been kicked out of the Motion Picture Academy. Still in? A guy who married his step-daughter, Woody Allen, a guy who sexually (raped) assaulted over 50 women, Bill Cosby, and a guy who raped and sodomized a 13-year-old girl, Roman Polanski.




Kim Jong Un is building a Trump-like Mar-a-Lago resort in North Korea. That is so cute. He thinks he’s going to live long enough to also rip off his tax payers.


Actresses claim Harvey Weinstein forced them to wear his wife, Georgina’s, line of Marchesa dresses at red carpet events. This makes Weinstein the first man to harass women both in and out of their clothes.





Fires in the wine country have been catastrophic, but the wineries are resourceful. They’re already advertising their new barbecue-flavored Merlot.




Fires in the wine country have been catastrophic, but the wineries are resourceful. They’re already advertising their bottles of red wine reduction sauce.




In a speech, Donald Trump referred to the President of the Virgin Islands. Trump is the president of the Virgin Islands. Trump thinks he is the covfefe of the Virgin Islands.



In a speech, Donald Trump referred to the President of the Virgin Islands. Trump is the president of the Virgin Islands. Trump is also the president of Nambia.



A story on a video said a Carolina Panther fan sucker-punched “an old man” at the game. The man was 62. Kevin Costner is 62. Denzel Washington is 62. Bruce Willis is 62. Mike Huckabee is, OK, I should have stopped there.


Friday, October 13, 2017

Nobody cares that I was sexually harassed at work. Partly because I am a man. And partly because I am a writer who works alone.

The Outfields - I don't wanna lose your love tonight



Edda had roast beef and I had fish. And if I can remember what you had, I can die a happy man, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers




Harvey Weinstein flew his private jet to Arizona for sex rehab. Harvey has two private jets. That’s why he says he loves to play with his privates.



First Harvey Weinstein was going to fly his private jet to Europe for sex addiction therapy, then he said Phoenix and ended up in Scottsdale. He even screws with his pilot.



Angie Everhart now claims Harvey Weinstein broke into her yacht cabin at Cannes and masturbated in front of her. This guy is the James Bond of beating off.



Angie Everhart now claims Harvey Weinstein broke into her yacht cabin and masturbated in front of her. How did this guy have the time and energy to make a movie?



Harvey Weinstein flew to Arizona to check-in to a sex rehab clinic. It was awkward when the first lesson in curing sex addiction was being told to imagine Harvey Weinstein naked.



Harvey Weinstein flew to Arizona to check-in to a sex rehab clinic. Donald Trump called Harvey with advise. “Whenever I don’t want to have sex, I imagine Germany’s Angela Merkel naked.” 


Harvey Weinstein flew to Arizona to check-in to a sex rehab clinic. Donald Trump called Harvey with advise. “Whenever I get the urge to have sex, I say, “Hey, Melania, you want to have sex?” And she says, “No freaking way.” Problem solved.”



Actress, Blake Lively said she was sexually harassed by a makeup artist. That is wild. There is a straight makeup artist?



Donald Trump says his challenging Rex Tillerson to an IQ contest was a joke. Said Trump, “Doesn’t anyone have a sense of humidor anymore?” 




Since you asked:

The fragile sensibilities of spoiled divas like Gwenyth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie do not worry me. Their parents were huge movie stars, Harvey Weinstein is too smart to pressure them hard for sex for fear of a serious backlash.

No, it is the bright-eyed innocent starving actresses who Harvey attacked and then ruined their careers whom I want to see get justice. 

Hope they send in the FBI, threaten enough people with jail and get into Harvey’s fat ass for one billion dollars to pay them back. 


Wednesday, October 11, 2017

The White House says Donald Trump’s challenging Rex Tillerson to an IQ contest was a joke. “My word,” said Trump, “doesn’t anyone have a sense of fumigation anymore?” 

Tuesday, October 10, 2017



Today is National Coming Out Day. And nice try, Harvey Weinstein. We aren’t buying it.

The Stanley Cup-winning Pittsburgh Penguins visited the White House. It was awkward when Trump asked if they had any advice on skating through the next three years.


Is it just me, or does Harvey Weinstein look like the guy at the bowling alley with the chewed-up cigar butt in his mouth spraying Febreze on the bowling shoes?


It turns out the only actresses Harvey Weinstein did not harass were “Cagney and Lacey.”


Donald Trump tweeted his former “Celebrity Apprentice” employer, NBC, should lose their broadcasting license. Do you get the feeling, as a kid, Trump did not play well with others?


Harvey Weinstein flew a private jet to Europe to undergo sex addiction therapy. Which is silly because the cure is easy. Just have Harvey work at Starbucks. No male Starbucks employee has ever been a sex addict. 




It turns out the only actresses Harvey Weinstein did not harass were “The Golden Girls.”


Actually, the only two actresses Harvey Weinstein did not accost were AT&T's Lily and Flo the Progressive Insurance lady. What? Oh. He accosted Lily. Just not Flo. 



Somewhere in Hollywood, an actress is seeing her therapist for low self-esteem because Harvey Weinstein did not harass her.





Harvey Weinstein flew a private jet to Europe to undergo sex addiction therapy. What I wouldn’t give to be Harvey Weinstein’s sex addiction therapist:

“Now that you’re fired from the studio, can you hire actresses anymore? No? Can you see your reflection in this mirror? Congratulations, you are cured of sex addiction. That will be $25,000.” 



Is anyone shocked by these allegations at Harvey Weinstein? The guy looks like the night clerk at the 24-hour porn shop wiping the mustard from his hot dog on his greasy off-white, ribbed tank top.

Monday, October 09, 2017

It's the waiting that's the hardest part, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


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A coach for the Miami Dolphins was seen on video snorting cocaine. Bringing new meaning to the term line coach.

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An American, Galen Rupp, won the Chicago marathon for the first time in 15 years. Kenya believe it? 

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A German soccer team is sponsored by a female porn star. For many of their fans, that fact is tough to swallow.


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An American, Galen Rupp, won the Chicago marathon for the first time in 15 years. Even Barack Obama is demanding to see Rupp’s Non-Kenyan birth certificate. 




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The world’s heaviest woman died this week at 1,102 pounds. But at 1,102, does the 2 really matter?


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The Indianapolis Colts unveiled their Peyton Manning statue. It is lifelike down to the fact it has the same 40-yard-dash time as Manning. 


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In Colorado Springs, a woman jogger, dubbed the Mad Pooper, has targeted a family’s home to defecate on their lawn. Whatever they did to her, this is a crappy response.


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A coach for the Miami Dolphins, who was seen on video snorting cocaine, has resigned. He wants to spend more time with his stupidity.

People were shocked to see the video of the Miami Dolphins coach snorting cocaine. But that is Miami. If the Dolphins did not let in any fans who did cocaine, their home games would resemble Chargers games.



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In a 30-9 loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars, Pittsburgh Steeler, QB, Ben Roethlisberger threw five interceptions, two for touchdowns. Roethlisberger was so frustrated, he almost sexually assaulted himself.



Since you asked:


The Green Bay Packers beat the Dallas Cowboys. When three-time domestic abuser, Ezekiel Elliott, gets thrown for a loss, don’t fairness-in-advertising laws dictate Elliott has to make the throat-clutching gesture to offset his self-aggrandizing “Feed Me” gesture?

Have not dispised a player in the NFL as much as Elliott since Ben Roethlisberger walked after his second time of beating and raping a woman or the fourth time Michael Irvin sexually assaulted a woman while gacked to his gills on coke.

That Ewok looking troll Elliott is going to Lawrence Phillips is way out of the league, but without Phillips's endearing personality.


Sadly, nobody, including Lawrence Phillips, got to see enough of this guy. They just got to see this guy:



Speaking of Phillips.

Was surprised at how surprised I was by “Running For His Life: The Lawrence Phillips Story.” You think you know a guy’s story. No father, mother hated him. Raised by a loving foster mother in the mean streets of Southeast L.A. 

Beloved by high school coach, given chance after chance. Goes to Nebraska. Amazing talent. Beats his ex-girlfriend, drags her down three flights by her hair. Still given chances. Blows all of them. 

Drinks his way out of the NFL. Beats his girlfriend nearly to death in San Diego and then goes to prison for running over a kid with his car whom he had just played touch football.

Kills himself in prison after he kills his cellmate for the extra room. 

You look at that mean sneer on all the mug shots of Phillips and you just think he was a bad guy. Easy. Simple. 

Not so.

Truly beloved by his Nebraska teammates and coach, Tom Osborne. He had a huge endearing side. Even sweet. Loved to read. Impeccable penmanship. Damn good writer. Loved a good laugh. A good, loyal friend. 

Lawrence just ended up with a fatal flaw in his software. A glitch. He had a jealous rage and temper that he could not control. Who knows how it got there? Probably when one of his mother’s boyfriends beat the crap out of him and urinated on him when he was ten while his mother watched approvingly. Maybe he was born with it?

That angry flaw probably helped him become a great running back like it did Jim Brown, John Riggins and OJ Simpson. Running angry is a key to being a great running back. 

However that flaw got there, that flaw in his software was more than Phillips could handle. He tried to drown it in booze, but that made it worse as it always does.

The Lawrence Phillips story was truly sad. And not just because of the incredible football talent he wasted. The cynics will say that talent is why Lawrence was given so many chances, and that is probably true.

But there was a genuine lovable sweetheart buried in that tough, scary running back.  It just never stood a chance with that nasty, angry glitch in his software.